piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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