Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
