Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize