that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize