in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
