Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
