Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
