So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
