My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
