Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
