I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize