I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
