just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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