I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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