We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
