So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
