cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
