The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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