I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
