I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
