her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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