He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize