Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
