I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
