I'm gonna have a badass scar
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
