You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
