So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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