I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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