i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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