What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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