The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Please don't give away my fajitas
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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