So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
