HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
