when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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