Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
