I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
