It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
