I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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