I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We just shotgunned beers for America
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
