i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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