Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
