she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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