the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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