I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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