Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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