u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
