I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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