I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I love having hate sex.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
