All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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