I think im going to throw up on grandma
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
