you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
