My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
