i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize