I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
