I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
