3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
