So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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