dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
pop tarts are not kleenex
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize