Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
