Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
it's like heaven, but drunker
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
