we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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