Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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