Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
