i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
