Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
