Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
