my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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