hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
