3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
