Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
