Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm jealous of your bromance
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
