I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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