My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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