people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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