My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
True strength comes from lack of pants
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
