I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
