maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
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