Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
