so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
