Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
