I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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