is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize