and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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