Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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