I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
