My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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