a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
