Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
