You're so nebulous sometimes
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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