tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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