I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
