sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
