Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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