ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
