I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
are you so shy because you have an std?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My ass is underappreciated
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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