Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Can I color on your dick again?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
