i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
