First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
