oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you would pick up someone in the library
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
