I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
