i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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