if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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