my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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