Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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