I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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