turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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